When I have a crush on someone, I try to ignore him. Or I am so bitchy towards that person that he ends up ignoring me driving me to throes of neurotic sufferings. And contrary to the ideas presented in movies, guys/girls don’t generally respond well to hard-bitten jaded cynicism and extreme rudeness, so it works 😀 ! I can’t handle crushes. They can be delirious and intense thereby making you feel completely moronic, especially if out of sheer nervousness you say or do something really silly in front of the person you crush on, which is a common occurrence in my case. Crushes ar temporary lapse of reason with far-reaching consequences and days of sheer agony. They make me nervous and I hate being nervous 😦
As much as I want to, I am extremely bad at avoiding people on whom I have a crush. Not that I don’t try. I do. There was this guy in our swimming club I desparately tried to ignore. But then he turned out to be my brother’s ex school mate. They used to return home together and I used to sulk majorly and keep quiet, or act cold and stand-offish and say something really biting till the poor guy gave up trying to bond with me. (This is a polite way of saying that he was pissed off and bitched about me. at least mentally)
Dear SCG(Swimming club Guy),
If you ever happen to read this, you must know that I am pathological towards crushes. It is also the other way round. I end up feeling incredibly stupid, not my favorite feeling in the world. Like others, I don’t enjoy crushes, because unlike others, I have had crushes on very few fictional characters and celebs. It’s mostly people who I see around, talk to, meet in a cafe, see in college or at work, at friends’ houses etcetera. People, whom it is nearly impossible to avoid. People who are inaccessible. People who sometimes don’t even live within the 50 miles of me. and people with really nice smiles.like really nice smiles.
I wish God had made me completely asexual with no raging hormones which can go haywire sometimes.
I don’t know why I am this weird(not unique maybe. I hope there are others who have this trouble). It’s not that somebody has a pointed a gun at my head, asking me to impress that person. Neither do I have the pressure of committing myself to him or hang on, even making him like me. Like why the hell should I get so hot and bothered? Is there something wrong with my mental wiring? (is this the 76th time I am asking this question? )
Spotlight. deep breath. Peace.
P.S: I met the SCG a couple of days back at the club. He looked surprised to see me smiling and waving at him and even had the good sense to introduce me to his girlfriend. I bet the minute I had turned my back on them, the girl had asked, “Is she the bitchy girl? Your friend’s sis?”.